It’s after midnight on the left coast, and though I know I need to go to bed there’s this midnight craving I have, it’s not for chocolate, but more of a desire to share something intimate, something real, and something only I could really add to this blog.

It’s no secret that our Jenn is based on me. I’ll never forget the day that Rob called me and told me that he wanted to do a show about me. It was such a strange moment in time. Sitting at my desk in the historic Spreckles building downtown, I remember staring out the second floor window and watching people walk in and out of the NBC building. Angie, my best friend and karaoke partner in crime, was sitting to my right and we both were bemoaning difficult clients and difficult lives; there was just a familiar peace about the office. That office is rich with tiny bite-size memories, the ones that don’t seem like much, like the time Angie chucked a pretzel out the window in frustration, or the multiple times an angry homeless man screamed bloody murder at the top of his lungs from the street below, or even the time when the employees at Baja Fresh decided to blare their pre-lunch rush music so loudly that I had to run downstairs and ask a very belligerent gal to shut it down. And then there’s the potentially life-altering moments, like the direct message and subsequent phone call from Rob that eventually led to Jenn2.0 and this moment, a moment of anxiety.

My life twists and turns in ways that almost make it impossible to share the real me with the public world. I struggle everyday with the desire to write more candidly and give the independent woman with a troubled love life and frustrating, sometimes debilitating, character flaws a voice. I’ve tried to write about more than just social media and online communities, but it’s always gotten me into trouble. My other blog is so muddled in my own sticky hestitation that I haven’t touched it in months. My professional voice has unceremoniously dumped my personal voice - I didn’t even bother to phone in a proper goodbye. It’s not that I’m trying to censor myself, because I love my saucy side. It’s just a struggle to know when I’m crossing a line or offending a particular subset of people. Of course there’s Twitter, the intersection of everything Jenn, but at the core of my being is a storyteller and I’ve got a few that would knock you off your feet. That’s why I’m anxious, because there’s just so many stories to infuse into the show. The character of Jenn creates an opportunity for me to personally hand over real stories to Darren so he can bleed them into the life of the character. I crave that opportunity, and it all hinges on a pilot episode I’ve yet to see.